Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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