Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
