I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
