i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
