you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
