Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
