You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You're earring is so big in my mouth
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
