Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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