I think my vagina is haunted
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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