I want to make a zoo with you.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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