the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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