My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
