you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
