it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
