She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
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no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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