If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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