Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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