i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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