Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
