its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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