Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
