hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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