oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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