Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
