were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
