Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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