69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
