are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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