do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
