you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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