Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
