do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
