I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
