You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
