I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
