So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
