You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
