4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
