White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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