I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
