Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Randomize
