So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
