I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize