Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Do vagina's smell?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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