..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
