I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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