I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
