There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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