I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
