Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
