So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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