no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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