Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
