Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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