WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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