At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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