So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
