She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
