Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
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Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
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we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS