three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.