he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Then you guys just all showered together...?