My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
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Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.