I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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