Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I stole a fireplace last night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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