so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
