i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
