shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
