did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
