Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
