The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
