I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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