i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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