oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
