I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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