He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
