nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
