My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
