Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
