It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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