I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
