Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
