A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
