Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
